12 Strong Reasons He Shouldn’t Marry You…Yet. - Part 2

(Continuation from Part 1)

Now, a lot of articles have been written on why he should propose to you, marry you, make you his wife…blah blah blah. Yeah, right. Why shouldn’t he. Both then how often have you asked yourself the question, “Am I right for him?”
“Am I ready for the responsibility been his wife would bring my way?” “Am I deserving of him?” “Am I even a ‘wife material’ (whatever that is)?”

Truth be told, a lot of young ladies (as well as advanced ladies still trying to tie the proverbial and ever so elusive nuptial knot) out there are more preoccupied with the concept of ‘wedding’ than with marriage itself. Suffice it to say that the two are not the same. Wedding is a one off activity, marriage is a life-long journey filled with thousands (even millions) of activities.  Are you ready for all those activities and their attending consequences? Is it, to you, all about the marriage gown than the marriage vow? Do you see a sprint race to the altar or a marathon affair down till the grave? Do you only see red roses and cakes and not foresee pain doses awaits?

Dearest, if you do not answer these questions on time… and in time, the right answers you may later seek may come hardly by it will make you weep.   

So, if you want to know why he should marry you, why not we start by why he shouldn’t?

(Continued from Number 6; click on the link to see 1-5 of Part 1) 

1.      You sleep around with other people (man or woman). Now, this is one very bad habit chain difficult to break. Chances are you may continue in these ways far into your marriage if not broken on time and with strong commitment to stay far away from it. Extra-relational/extra-marital affairs are not only sinful, but they desecrate all factors (True Commitment, Deep Intimacy and Controlled Passion) that make for a successful, healthy union. Sleeping around doesn’t show true commitment, deep intimacy and controlled passion. And when your, a) commitment to your partner is not true enough, b) intimacy with your partner not deep enough, and c) passion for sexual gratification not controlled enough, it becomes very difficult to stay involved in one relationship for long. You become a journey person unwilling to settle down. If you’re not ready to settle, then marriage is not a place you should mingle. And he’d be wise not the take the gamble with you. 

2.      You lie. Lying to the one you want to spend the rest of your life with is an unnecessary prank you shouldn’t be playing upon yourself. “I’ll tell him after the wedding, when we are finally married,” you tell yourself to condone your stupidity. “He loves me…he would understand.” Well, in truth, he may. But then, what if he doesn’t? Why risk it, huh? That abortion you had in your freshman or sophomore year, or that life of prostitution you once lived, or that child (or children as the case may be) you had some time ago who died or didn’t die but is somewhere in your village with grandma or even your problems with alcohol (believe it or not, there are a great number of female drunks around these days; it’s true) or your addiction to hard drugs. Maybe you’re a kleptomaniac or nymphomaniac.  Maybe you were once betrothed to a man – or woman (human or spirit being) and you wanted out of it but the bond is holding you, still. Maybe you broke a man’s heart badly and you didn’t set things right with, and by, him, and he swore to revenge or placed a curse on you. Now, all these are legitimate reasons to cast a dark shadow hanging over your marriage and your future together. If any of this situations describe you and you haven’t told him about it, but the time to walk the aisle is drawing nigh, be careful girl. Not telling him is tantamount to lying to him. If he finds out after the wedding night, he may never trust or forgive you again. And if he’s truly the love of your life, you wouldn’t want to be taking that risk, trust me, without at least discussing it with him. If he loves you, he’d trust your sincerity and respect for him. If he doesn’t, well, you may have just saved both yourselves a time bomb in the future. 

RELATED ARTICLE: How To Get Over That Painful Heartbreak - Part 1

  

3.      You’re insensitive. How in God’s Holy name do you seriously want him to marry you and all you think about is yourself Do you even notice when he’s depressed or having a hard time by his boss at work? Do you notice his loss of confidence as the days roll by? Do you even feel his pain and support him in his trying times? Do you even bother to listen to him when he needed someone to hear him and share his challenges?  Do you notice he’s running out of money and thus he’d greatly appreciate it if you reduced some of your demands on him? Most times, men will be men and bottle up a lot of emotions and pain inside. They probably feel inadequate if they bring their problems to you. Don’t mind them. If they have their way, they really do want to tell you every little piece of discourse they otherwise bottle up in their minds, and every freaking emotion that weighs them down. Be sensitive to his plight and understand him – more than anyone else could (after all, the two shall become one, remember?). And if you’re too narcissistic to even care to be bothered by his plights, then he shouldn’t be popping the question to you just yet. 

4.      You don’t like his family. A lot of unmarried (and even married) ladies are guilty of this marital deadly sin. “Oh, I want to spend the rest of my life with him, but I hate his family” you’d say. “I just can’t stand them.” Well, news flash honey, you may not have a choice in the matter. Now, rather than complain about his family and how they are pathetic people, you should realize that the feeling may be mutual. You’re not actually a saint, are you? And why you spend your energy hating, you should actually try to be a decent person at least. That way, when all’s said and done, you probably gave it a shot and tried to smoothen things out. Most times, what you termed hatred on their part may just be innocent suspicion and calculated apprehension (remember, they don’t know you from Adam, so they probably just are being a little anxious about the person their beloved son, brother and jewel is about to spend the rest of his life with). However, there are situations of genuine hatred from would-be in-laws. In this case you must show maturity and ability to manage such adversity. Whichever is the case, if you’re incapable of handling the situation with his family (whichever the dynamics), then you’re not ready – at least not yet.  

RELATED ARTICLE: 10 Things You Do That May Ruin Your Relationship

5.      You’re not wise. Wisdom sure has a lot to do with being a good wife and a loving companion to the man of your dreams. Being wise means understanding the ways of marital union beyond how the ordinary person understands it. Remember the biblical admonition, “…be ye as gentle as a dove, but as wise as a serpent.” Sometimes, being wise means closing your eyes to certain things not because you cannot make a fuss about it and be right in people’s eyes as well, but would your action be to the greater good? Breaking the head of your lover’s mistress may be justified in some quarters, but then what good does it serve you going forward? Instead of pouring your man acid for cheating on you, wouldn’t forgiveness and reconciliation have served a greater purpose? Instead of spending all that money he gave you on a single human hair (Brazilian or Puerto Rican) and all manner of material possessions, couldn’t it have been best utilized in supporting a business idea or used to support household utilities or other bills? Instead of listening to hearsays and spending precious time sharing in malicious neighbourhood gossip, shouldn’t you have used your time to read an extra book or learnt a new trade or skill? If you haven’t learnt to make wise decisions in marriage, then you sure aren’t ready to be in one just yet.

6.      You don’t know God. Has it ever occurred to you that a lot of people go to church but not a lot of people go to God? Most young ladies I’ve met practically sleep in the house of the Lord but not so many know the door to his heart. Being an usher in church or a member of the choir doesn’t qualify you to be a good wife. Not even being a Minister in God’s house. What qualifies you for marriage and the responsibility of a married life is how well you understand the role(s) God wants you to play in the family. But then understanding God’s will starts with understanding the concept of wife and womanhood. Who are you? Why do you have to be married to a man? Why did God in his Infinite Wisdom make you the one to conceive, bear, deliver and nurture the child? Why are you more fatty tissue than muscle tissue? Why does God want you to be virtuous? Why did His Wisdom tell us that a man who finds a wife finds a good thing? Please underline the words GOOD THING. Emphasis is on GOOD. What does it mean to be GOOD? Now, if you understand what these things mean and their implication for a woman in a marital union, then he’s a go to marry you. If you don’t, then he’s not a go (meaning you’re not ready for him yet).

7.      You nag and criticize everything. This is one of the FOUR HORSEMEN OF MARITAL DISSOLUTION (call or email me for the other three as it will not form part of the discussion here). Suffice it to say that nothing drives a man crazy than a nagging woman who has no better hobby that to whine and nag and criticize and blame her man for every single thing – both significant and insignificant. If you have a legitimate complaint, channel it through the appropriate channel and with a respectful, reconciliatory tone. Where you have to be blunt and confrontational, do it with understanding and an open mind. Talk about it with the objective to build and repair, and not to break into disrepair. If you’re incapable to doing this, then you’re incapable of handling, managing and resolving conflict. And if you are incapable of resolving conflicts amicably with your man, without the obnoxious sting of your nagging, then he shouldn’t be marrying you just yet.

If you missed our earlier part on the first half of this article 12 Strong Reasons He Shouldn’t Marry You…Yet, see Part 1 here.

Now, you don’t have to be found guilty as charged on all 12 counts to be ineligible for marriage. But then you don’t have to ace all 12 either to be right for him. Just make 70% and that dazzling ‘Oh my God!’ diamond ring (for your mind, now, abi?) will be yours. But remember, it’s not the pouting bright ring on your finger, but the bout of conflict in your marriage, and how you’ll handle those, that counts.

For personal advice and counselling, call 08137337618 or send a mail, chidielebenedict@gmail.com. I’d be glad to share with you. You can also drop your comments in the comment section below.

Good read and stay happy! 

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