10 Reasons Women Stay with a Cheating and Abusive Man (Part 2)

“Now let's move on to the subject of how a real man treats his wife. A real man doesn't slap even a ten-dollar hooker around, if he's got any self respect, much less hurt his own woman. Much less ten times over the mother of his kids. A real man busts his ass to feed his family, fights for them if he has to, dies for them if he has to. And he treats his wife with respect every day of his life, treats her like a queen - the queen of the home she makes for their children.”   ― S.M Stirling, Dies the Fire   

L

ast time out we took a look into the first five reasons women stay with a cheating and abusive man. That was the first part of the story. Here we conclude the 10 reasons women stay in a cheating and abusive relationship with a man. This second part concludes what has been an enlightening experience for those who can personally or vicariously relate and identify with the problems and issues discussed here. 

Without wasting time let’s examine the remaining five reasons women stay with an abusive and cheating man.

6. Fear of a financial meltdown. Most women derive their financial backbone from their man, and fear their finances will take a terrible hit when they leave the relationship or marriage, even when he cheats and abuses her repeatedly. Most times, some women’s financial dependence on their man can be total; their feeding and house upkeep money, their personal upkeep and shopping money, their school fees and other related fees that involve monetary payment one way or the other, as well as their children’s school fees and general upkeep money. They also depend on him for house rent bills, electricity bills, shop rent bills, etc. Even when a woman is seriously abused and cheated in the relationship, she often chooses to hang on and stay on in the relationship, weathering the abuses and the lies, because it would be expensive for her to leave, especially when the man is the sole and chief provider, providing almost 100 percent of everything in the house and other material things in the relationship. Such women often choose to endure the abuse rather than risk suffering a financial meltdown, as studies of marital couples have shown that the standard of living of ex-wives drop by 25% after their separation.

My Advice

Try not to be overly dependent on a man financially. Get yourself to do something that earns you money too. One of the major causes of marital slavery and other forms of slavery in the world today is financial handicap. And when the financial handicap is total, your dependence becomes total. This is not healthy especially when you find yourself in a relationship or marriage where the man craves absolute dominance. Then your inability to provide some material things for yourself, by yourself, would play enticingly into the hands of the tyrant. Point is: Do something (prostituting your body is out of it) to earn money to bolster your financial muscle. That way you’d not be so devastated when things go south and you’re left all on your own, by yourself.

Sad Black Woman

7. She’s very emotionally attached to him. Oftentimes when a woman is emotionally invested in a man, she usually finds it very difficult to extricate herself from that web and the relationship, even after it has turned into abuse. Such emotional investment could be a very powerful bond that she begins to imagine horrible scenarios without him to cushion the harsh effects on her when they separate.  In most cases, such emotional attachment has become physical and emotional (psychological) dependence, at which stage she probably doesn’t have an emotional life without him.

My Advice

Validate your self-esteem by having a hobby or activity you love to do and that makes you happy. The hobby should be such that it is emotionally engaging as it is entertaining. It could be a sporting activity, a business interest or a volunteering drive or worthy cause. It could be artistic or scientific. Bottom line: it should be an activity that makes you feel you’re worth something in the world. Something which your boyfriend or husband cannot abuse you or cheat you out of. It could even be your passion for your children’s future or a talent that can impact others. It could even be gardening or dog watching or pet loving. Just make sure it’s something that makes you appreciate your own worth, in a way no one can maim, choke or kill.

ALSO READ THIS: 10 Reasons Women Stay With a Cheating And Abusive Man - Part 1

8. Fear of what people or the society would say. Most of the times a woman suffers and endures a cheating and abusive man because of what her people or the society would say if she leaves the relationship. This is especially true for married women, whose parents and kinsmen may go ahead to disown her if she does not remain in the marriage with her man. She would often be classified as a woman of loose virtues when she separates from the abusive relationship to stay on her own. In extreme cases she may be ostracized or even have her official titles removed from her on that singular action of leaving that relationship/marriage. As a result, because of these fear and concern, a woman often decides to patiently weather the storm of repetitive abuses and cheats just to avoid incurring the wrath of her people or the society if she decides to call it quits and go her separate way. 

My Advice

It is important to understand and appreciate the ways of the people and the society you find yourself. Respect and honour for culture and shared values are important. That said, not every society looks out for the interest of its handicapped or subjugated members. In a climate of suffocation and oppression, you must learn to breathe and overcome the chains of oppression. And that involves looking out for yourself, especially when things are heading to hell and dragging you along with it like sheep been led to the slaughter slab. No real man should subject you to such shame and mental as well as physical torture of constant abuse and degrading acts in any relationship, whatever the form; no real society should support or condone it either. And when and where the people and society would support such abuse and degrading treatment, then that society has lost your respect and does not deserve recognition. Then you must do everything to extricate yourself from it and be free. But seek the professional counsel of trained psychologists and legal experts as well as well meaning pastors and elders before making your decision to ensure all grounds in your favour are thoroughly explored.

Abused Woman Crying

ALSO READ THIS: How to Successfully Manage Anger in Your Relationships

9. Fear of escalated violence if she leaves him. How often have you heard the words spoken in abusive relationships, “if you EVER leave me woman, I swear to God, I will find you and kill you!” Never? No, not never. This threat is made all the time by incorrigible and abusive men who think of their women as property to be used – and to be abused – at will, without any regard to her dignity and humanity. Suffice it to say that most times this is just an empty threat by the man to instill fear in the woman and keep her from walking, however, in certain extreme cases the threat is often seen through by the aggressor. Now, most women wouldn’t want to find out first hand if that threat is true or not, and would decide to stay in the abusive relationship and bear the abuse, the lies, the dishonour and the cheating, than risk losing their precious lives altogether.

My Advice

No amount of fear for the unknown should keep you in an abusive relationship like a slave. You were enjoined to him freely, and freely shall you live with him. If a man has the capacity for escalated violence then he lacks the capacity elevated compassion. He lacks basic humanity. Such a person is undeserving of your loyalty and submissiveness. But ensure you are properly guided on the best decision to take. When violence has become the norm in your relationship, it doesn’t just pack up and leave.

ALSO READ THIS: How to Build Successful Relationship With Your Partner

10. Religious teachings on endurance and servitude, and punishment for separation. This is a major reason for most situations where a lady continues to stay in an abusive relationship despite every reason to walk out of it. Religion, especially Christianity teaches women to be submissive and obedient to their husbands. However, religion doesn’t also teach that such submissiveness gives the man the right to frequently abusive and disrespect his woman. But because in this part of the world we hold religious views and teachings sacred and fear the backlash of eternal punishment that will be meted out to those who do not follow the teachings, most women with strong religious backgrounds often have doubts where it comes to quitting an abusive relationship, wanting instead to tarry and keep faith so as not to be seen as unwilling to follow the teachings of the church as regards separation and divorce.

My Advice

Never joke with religious advice and counselling. But know that not all advice and counselling done in the name of religion is in the best interest of women in relationships, especially those in marriages. Sometimes, slavery in the modern world is often masked in the cloak of religion and religious beliefs. Not the fault of religion itself, but those who misinterpret the sacred teachings. For no true religion should condone any form of abuse, humiliation or violation of women under whatever guise. If your religion doesn’t hold a strong stand against abuse and domestic violence, then you must begin to look out for yourself and seek out what the word of God truly says about you and your relationship with your man. And the word of God in the book of Ephesians admonished men/husbands to love and protect their women/wives as Christ loves and protects the church. Any man that violates this command is not worthy of you, and cannot be found worthy in the eyes and presence of the Lord. Such a man should not be your partner (married or unmarried). 

So, there you have it. The second and concluding part of 10 reasons women stay with a cheating and abusive man in a relationship.    

I hope this article has helped you, especially those of you who can identify and relate with the content of the article. Please subscribe to my blog to stay informed and updated with timeless information and advice on matters of love and relationships, beauty, fitness, Nollywood, sports, business success and sound mind. I would love to hear what lessons you have learned in your own relationships. Please, feel free to leave me a comment in the comment section below.

You can also reach me privately through my number +234 8137337618 (08137337618) or email chidielebenedict@gmail.com and let’s share all your relationship worries and issues together. I’d be glad to have you and share with you!

Stay happy, stay blessed!