“You can love someone so much...But you can never love people as much as you can miss them.” - John Green
ay too often we take the love and harmony we enjoy in our relationship as a given, and forget that our relationship and love life are to be nurtured and respected. They are to be cultivated and continually watered and ‘manured’ with love, respect, mutual trust and understanding.
Truth is: we must not take anything for granted. Not even when things are perfectly ok. Because you never know, that one fight that will lead to the breakup of your relationship is ever so alert and dangerously lurking by the corner.
Therefore, to help you stay far and clear of these relationship spoilers and killers, here are my 10 things you do that may ruin your relationship you should really avoid.
1. You think about yourself all the time. Self love is not a bad thing if it’s to proportion. But when you think about yourself all the time to the lack of attention to or detriment of others, then you’re really courting danger. Sometimes, it’s not about yourself but about your partner as well. They too need a space in your head and in your mind and heart. Give them the notion you only think for yourself and of yourself and you risk losing them forever and ruining the beautiful relationship you both share.
2. You always want to win the argument. You always want to have the last laugh. You always want to have the better deal. You always want to WIN WIN WIN. Cut it, will you? Who says you must always be right, huh? It doesn’t degrade you if you lose an argument or two. But do it with respect and not condescension. Your partner will love and respect you more for it.
3. You never say sorry nor admit your wrongdoing. Sometimes, the words ‘I’m sorry’ can turn out to be the greatest words you’ve ever spoken. Learn to put your pride aside and your ego in check by saying, unashamedly, those golden words whenever you sense a trouble brewing, especially when you are the instigator. Don’t allow it to brew and fester. Nip it in the bud before it’s too late. Delay can be really dangerous.
4. You pay too much attention to your good looks. Another name for you would be Mr. or Miss or Mrs. Narcissus, as the case may be. You love your image so much that you could damn all else to hell because you think you’re just simply ‘too much’. Stop it already. You’re may not be as awesome as you think you are. Someone may be way better than you out there. You just don’t know it yet. But I am telling you now so you know. Don’t be mad, eh? Looks can be very deceptive. And while you delude yourself with invincibility and immortality, remember that all natural beauties fade, and you’re no Venus or Jupiter. The only beauty that remains forever, are the beauties of the heart. Question is: Do you have a beautiful heart? Do you?
5. You sexualize more than you socialize. You probably have sex with your partner every other hour and you love it. Sex is great! True. But after the sexing, what happens? Do you roll back to wonderful conversational patterns with your partner or does talking suddenly become very strange and laboured afterwards? Truth is, if you don’t find time to socialize and have wonderful non-sexual experiences together, like it or not, no amount of ‘sweet’ sex can ever save you when your relationship comes crashing right in your face.
6. You keep odd hours and bad company. Whether you are a guy or a girl, man or woman, in a married union or unmarried courtship, keeping odd hours and bad company are two dangerous Horse Riders of Doom – especially to your relationship. Odd hours and bad company often leads to the awakening of dangerous behavioural tendencies that often ruin marriages and promising unions. Such tendencies may include drinking, late night clubbing in dangerously immoral places, substances (non-alcohol) abuses, brawls, orgies, sex with prostitutes, gambling, etc. Each and all of these activities can and will ruin relationships. Best bet would be to steer clear. Prevention, they say, is better than cure.
7. You blame all the time and don’t take responsibility. Are you the type that likes blaming your partner for everything, from “you’re the reason there are rats and cockroaches everywhere in the house’ to ‘it’s your fault the rain is pouring” or “it’s your fault I was born by my parents with a dark skin!” My God, you live just to blame! It’s like you get off of it. If you’re the type just illustrated, please stop already. I beg you in God’s beautiful name. There’s only one place your relationship is going with that kind of attitude, and it’s downhill – always downhill. Even Love can’t save you.
8. You are lazy. If you find it difficult to do things around the house; you can’t get yourself off the bed and get a job; you seem not to want to find yourself something useful to do, then you’re really courting trouble. No food for lazy man, it is said. I might take the liberty to add that no love for lazy man. If you are in a relationship and you’re not ready to work and make things happen, then the only thing that will be happening to you is a broken relationship and a broken home.
9. You don’t have a spiritual life. Having a spiritual life doesn’t necessarily mean going to church and sleeping on the altar. Far from it. There are countless hypocrites in the House of the Lord today that you don’t need any further living proof of the veracity of this statement. They are all around us. Truth is: True spirituality is a state of the heart that is one with God. It is a state of being that acknowledges God’s favour and grace in your life, which enables you to do and to be. And you attain this spirituality through constant meditation and ceaseless prayers as well as a life of kindness, service and giving.
So, there you have it. 10 relationship spoilers that may ruin your relationship. All of us is guilty of one of these behaviours or the other - no exception. But we can always try to improve and save our relationships from dying. Even if your partner is more guilty of some of these faults than you are, if you really want to save your union, you might want to do something about it and really fast too. Both your happiness may depend on it.
10. You hardly show gratitude. The words “Thank you,” are miracle workers. When we make good use of them, we keep the favour juice and miracle fountain flowing our way. Showing genuine appreciation is a heavenly quality. It creates harmony between us and the world. It endears you more to the one you love. Your partner senses your sincerity and gratitude, and continues in his/her goodness. But fail to appreciate them and show them gratitude, and you begin to sow seeds of discontent and hatred that may evenly break your union when someone else shows them the appreciation and gratitude you never showed or accorded them.
If you've been enlightened by this write-up and would love to share, feel free to comment on the comment section below, or text or call me on 08137337618. You may also email me at chidielebenedict@gmail.com. I'd be glad to entertain and address all your concerns.
Stay happy and blessed! Enjoy the Season.
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