12 Strong Reasons He Shouldn’t Marry You…Yet. - Part 1

Now, a lot of articles have been written on why he should propose to you, marry you, make you his wife…blah blah blah. Yeah, right. Why shouldn’t he. Both then how often have you asked yourself the question, “Am I right for him?” “Am I ready for the responsibility been his wife would bring my way?” “Am I deserving of him?” “Am I even a ‘wife material’ (whatever that is)?”

Truth be told, a lot of young ladies (as well as advanced ladies still trying to tie the proverbial and ever so elusive nuptial knot) out there are more preoccupied with the concept of ‘wedding’ than with marriage itself. Suffice it to say that the two are not the same. Wedding is a one off activity, marriage is a life-long journey filled with thousands (even millions) of activities.  Are you ready for all those activities and their attending consequences? Is it, to you, all about the marriage gown than the marriage vow? Do you see a sprint race to the altar or a marathon affair down till the grave? Do you only see red roses and cakes and not foresee pain doses awaits?

Dearest, if you do not answer these questions on time… and in time, the right answers you may later seek may come hardly by it will make you weep.   

So, if you want to know why he should marry you, why not we start by why he shouldn’t?

1.      You’re lazy. You barely even lift a finger to do anything around the house. For Christ’s sakes he even does the meals and then the dishes for you. But you’re happy about it, right? ‘Oh, how he loves me,’ you’d say and boast to your friends. Be careful, alarm bells. Those same friends will go around and do for him those very same things you refused to do, preferring your nails to be happier than your future. If you fail in this category, change.

2.      You’re too dependent on him. Does he provide for your every single need? From your house rent down to the tooth pick you use to pick out the stubborn meat particles clinging for dear life in your teeth cavities in the aftermath of four plates of chicken pepper soup you just voraciously vanquished? “He’s so adorable! He buys me everything I need!” you boast to your friends. Well, breaking news, he may have just bought your life and the right to complain whenever (and trust me it’ll be sooner than you realize) he starts to misbehave. If you’re in this category, change. Get a job. Get a life. You’d be more attractive and respectable that way.

3.      You’re insecure. Needless to say, this is one disgusting pattern that almost every time ruins promising – even great – relationships (including marriage). Being insecure is a result of insecure attachment patterns which develop mostly in childhood. But then you can’t allow it make you unbearable. Work on your thought patterns and come to terms with the fact that not all female friends mean more than ‘friend’ to him. Learn to trust him. If you’re going to marry him, then you must learn to trust him anyway. Find psychological help if the need arises. And if you still can’t trust him or feel secure with him, and you’ve really tried but it isn’t working, don’t be his wife yet. And if he’s wise, he shouldn’t marry you yet – at least until the insecurity issues are properly and adequately addressed.

4.      You can’t make him simple meals. What in God’s-good-heavens are you thinking wanting him to marry you and you can’t even make a decent meal? You can’t even cook? He may use all the superlatives in the world and recite the greatest William Shakespeare’s or John Keats’ poems to qualify your beauty, but if you can’t cook him a decent meal, be ready for a great big deal in that marriage (and before you start citing the “we’ll get a cook and househelp” rubbish, remember that we’re first and foremost, Africans. Our culture expects you to know how to cook). Besides, the chances of him been poisoned or charmed with love portion by that overzealous housemaid will be gravely limited now, won’t it?

5.      You’re dirty.  I keep hearing guys complain about this rubbish, but is it even true? Does it still happen – at all? But if it does, and you’re one of them, then you really need to clean up your act. A dirty wife-to-be doesn’t inspire confidence in the mind of the would-be husband, especially when he thinks of the kids and hygiene and SEX!(yeah, he thinks about that a lot). Anyways, to be on the safe side, CLEAN UP. And if he’s not clean himself, clean him up too (there are a thousand and one ways to clean/clear a guy up - *winks*) or don’t agree to be his wife just yet. Marriage brings a whole lot of BS that you would and should be ready for before you say those ever so cunning and twisted two mammoth words ‘I DO’. And if you’re the guilty one, then he shouldn’t marry you – yet (and if you’re unwilling to change, maybe not at all). 

You've  seen the first part of 12 Strong Reasons He Shouldn't Marry You...Yet. The second and concluding part will follow shortly.

Now, you don’t have to be found guilty as charged on all 12 counts to be ineligible for marriage. But then you don’t have to ace all 12 either to be right for him. Just make 70% and that dazzling ‘Oh my God!’ diamond ring (for your mind, now, abi?) will be yours. But remember, it’s not the pouting bright ring on your finger, but the bout of conflict in your marriage that will linger, and how you’ll handle those, that counts.

Good read and good luck!